whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
