Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
