so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
