He had one of those small greek statue penises
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
