1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
