How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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