3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize