You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she smelled like a LAN party
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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