This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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