Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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