My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
