i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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