isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
