I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize