I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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