evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
