My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
