Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
