good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
