sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize