That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
