3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
