I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
