You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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