Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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