i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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