one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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