I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize