sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
ugly people sure do ruin things
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize