we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There r osticjed everywhere
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
