I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
