I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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