i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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