I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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