I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I am naked and annoyed.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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