I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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