no, he came in my armpit
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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