What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
