I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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