so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Randomize
