Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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