we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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