I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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