I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You're like the curious george of whores
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
