just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize