Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
