I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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