i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
