***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
