Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My dick has a subreddit
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize