I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
