one two three fourrrrnication!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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