and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
