Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
