How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
