He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
