I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
