They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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