My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
