You really coming over, don't trick.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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