You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
