is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
