she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize