Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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