What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
