just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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