Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
