I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
