I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize