Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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