Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
