I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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