i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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