so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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