I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
