Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
