She went from zero to smokin in five shots
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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