I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
