I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
