He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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